remy

a few nights ago, willmoth, the local paro (definite psychological and alcohol problems) dropped a puppy on my doorstep. it was late and the thing was whimpering and i could tell it was so little (there's like a 2 inch gap between the ground and the bottom of my front door). after i was sure he left, i let the dog in and it was shaking so much. i gave it some milk and a towel to sleep on out on the porch. it was so cute. i named it remy. i knew i couldn't really handle having a new puppy, with being gone at work and going to friends' villages sometimes on the weekends, but i was invested. i was considering keeping it if i couldn't find it a good home. i was assuming it was abandoned, no owner or family. usually when a puppy turns up alone on your doorstep in the states, it means the thing is alone with no hope left.

so i woke up the next morning with this in mind, that i would find it somewhere to live or would keep it. it was filthy so i gave it a bath (in retrospect, should've waited like half an hour on this). half an hour later, i found out that a dog around the block had puppies that looked like this. so i brought it back, dropped it on the grass in the yard, and didn't look back. i was a little sad to leave my new friend and also concerned that my bath was going to make the mother reject it. a big dog barked at me as i was leaving, the mother i presume. i took this as a good sign, that she recognized remy as her puppy and that this was a protective, stay-away-from-my-baby bark.

so all day yesterday i tried to put the negative thoughts out of my head. i tried to convince myself that he'll be fine. it's about survival of the fittest here, puppies die all the time. if this one dies, it's not my fault, it's just something that happens. and everyone here accepts this as a fact of life. nobody worries about it.

so i was nearly convinced, till this morning. i was just going up the road, but corks gave me a ride because it was pouring rain, really hard. as we passed around the block, i saw a puppy (assume it was remy) sitting all alone on the roadside in the downpour. it made me feel awful all over again.

but i talked to norah about it today, and as hard as it is, i have to accept this as a fact of life here. it's unfortunate that i got attached to this one, but it's a cultural norm that dogs and puppies fend for themselves. living here, i have to accept that. she made me feel much better. it still breaks my heart, but i need to let it go.

in other, happier, news i had my first arts and crafts summer class today. about 6 kids showed up which was a perfect number to have a really laid-back, relaxed morning. the kids made some great things and i think they had fun. i definitely enjoyed it. and now i have the rest of the afternoon to myself to catch up on some biodiesel work (writing letters to potential donors) and just hang out.

yesterday, i had a successful therapy session with one of the boys at youth quake. i had a moment where i felt like i am going to make a difference here.

over the weekend, i went to a donkey derby, a donkey race, in pottersville. there i got to see a rasta riding a very well-trained donkey, and two other guys fall off their donkeys. one guy needed to drag his across the finish line, another needed to chase after his across the finish line. later, this bouyan band had a pee wee herman dance contest which was, needless to say, pretty fantastic.

i've become mildly obsessed with the series "in treatment", brought to me courtesy of another PCV, allegra. the whole thing is just therapy sessions with 5 patients for a half hour each per week, 9 weeks in the season. it's very addicting.

i haven't been sleeping well, which is leading to more naps, which is contributing to more poor sleep at night. this is very unlike me and i do not like this development.